The Funny Bacon T-Shirt

By Matthew Cann


Show me someone who doesn't love bacon, and I'll show you an un-American liar. Get real, you denial-ridden fools. Bacon was made by God Himself when he created man. In fact, I have a theory that bacon was the original Fruit From The Tree of Knowledge. Because of mankind's original sin, bacon will never grow on tress again. Let us all take a moment to mourn this fact while we put on our funny bacon t-shirts in memory of a better time.

Bacon is so universally loved, that you could probably walk around with a piece of bacon hanging out of your mouth all day and no one would look twice at you. You might even have to slap someone for trying to snatch it right out of your mouth. You could experience a rise in your romantic life, until you realize that the only reason women are trying to kiss you is to taste your bacon-breath.

Each person reading this article is reading it because it had the word "bacon" in the title. The word is like a call-to-arms for all humankind. We've all heard that war-horn blown early in the morning on a sleepy Saturday, right? That smell of crackling bacon jars you awake like a sledgehammer to the gut. Your stomach growls, your mouth waters, and you bolt out of bed and into the kitchen only to be told that breakfast won't be ready for another 30 minutes. You still steal a piece, don't you? Bacon is so good it inspires minor crimes.

Bacon is my escape. I love cooking with bacon. I love eating anything with bacon in it. I even love browsing around on the Internet and finding bacon-related information and recipes. Bacon is almost a hobby of mine, and I use it as a means to relax and unwind. I may have an astounding passion for bacon, but that doesn't mean that others don't share it with me. The bacon-loving community is huge and ever-growing.

People everywhere are allowed to get behind causes and ideals. Gay rights parades are pretty frequent in major cities. People are always running for some cure, or another. Where are my bacon parades? Why isn't anyone running for people who don't have easy access to bacon? We get no support for our cause from the public at large, so we must support ourselves. Help raise bacon awareness by buying a funny bacon t-shirt. We can use all the help we can get.




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